Much of our stewardship talk is about how we use our resources in the outer world. How generous are you with your finances? How much do you give? How do you offer your time, talent, skills to help others? How do you call others mercifully and compassionately to accountability for their actions, their lack of stewardship?
These are all outer-world questions.
Stewardship of our inner world is just as important as stewardship of our outer world. When we are unhappy, not in alignment with our Highest Self and the Highest Good (Spirit), in our inner world, it reflects out of us. Misalignment inside creates poor stewardship outside of us.
We must pay close attention to what is happening in our hearts and souls.
Downton Abbey
Lady Mary offers us a beautiful example of this. She is frustrated by her own life choices. She is unhappy. She has created life choices that are preventing her from marrying the person she loves because he is not ‘equal’ to her. Equal for Mary is about finances and position. The man is equal to Mary in all other ways but financially. She is unable to see that.
Then, her sister, Lady Edith, is asked to marry by a man Lady Mary considers to be poor. Turns out he is the heir to a huge estate, richer than Mary. This makes Mary jealous and she ruins Edith’s chances and life by revealing a huge secret spitefully.
Lady Mary, in her unhappiness, then turns on her Father blaming him for a servant’s attempted suicide.
She continues this downward spiral until Branson, her brother-in-law (Sibyl her late sister’s husband), calls Mary on her unhappiness.
In a powerful scene, he speaks truth to her:
Branson: Well, you got what you wanted. Bertie has left for the train. Now Edith will not be the next Marchioness of Hexham.
Lady Mary: Well, that is not what I wanted.
Branson: Isn’t it?
Lady Mary: I still can’t believe she never told him. How was I to know that?
Branson: Don’t play the innocent with me.
Lady Mary: I didn’t mean…
Branson (raising his voice and interupting Mary): Don’t lie! Not to me. You can’t stop ruining things — for Edith, for yourself. You’d pull in the sky if you could — anything to make you feel as frightened and alone.
Lady Mary: You saw Henry (her love that she will not acknowledge) when he was here — high handed and bullying and unapologetic. (actually that is Mary not Henry) Am I expected to lower myself to his level and be grateful I am allowed to do so?
Branson: Listen to yourself! Lower yourself to his level. You are not a princess and the prisoner of Zenda…
Mary: You don’t want to understand me.
Branson: You ruined Edith’s life today! How many lives are you going to wreck just to smoother your own misery?
Mary: I refuse to listen.
Branson: You are a coward Mary. Like all bullies, you are a coward.
Mary looks insulted and unsure what to do. Branson storms out leaving her to her thoughts.
Branson then writes to the Dowager Lady Grantham, asking her to return and help heal this situation….
Dowager Returns…
Mary begins to pay attention to her inner world, a little. She has paid enough attention to her heart, that when Dowager Countess, Lady Grantham, Mary’s Grandmother returns from her trip, Lady Mary is about to hear her Grandmother’s gentle compassionate call to accountability. The Dowager encourages Lady Mary to be happy and to right the wrongs she has committed.
Mary opens her heart, accepts Love, and seeks a way to right the wrong she committed against Edith. By the end of the season, all is righted.
Paying Attention to Our Inner World
When our inner world is out of alignment with Spirit, our outer world will reflect that. We find ourselves cranky, doing things we do not ‘normally do.’ Things are not working out for us. We are getting frustrated, angry, increasingly unhappy.
These are all signs to step back and pay attention to our hearts, to our spirits, to our inner world.
It happens quickly…
Since moving to Philadelphia, I have lost my spiritual practice and am finding myself in a funk. I told myself that I did not have time for meditation, for taking care of myself, etc. I found myself binging Netflix and ignoring what I knew I needed to do to shift my inner funk.
As some of you know, I struggled with my weight, wanting to take a step toward greater health. I attempted and failed at giving up sugar for Lent. I kept saying to myself, "tomorrow I'll start." It seemed day in and day out that day was not going to happen.
Then one morning I woke up and knew -- Today is the Day!
And I began. I gave up sugar that day, June 1st. I began to follow a healthy diet that included meditation and walking. I had no idea what to expect. Over the summer, I kept to the healthy eating plan and lost weight. I walked every morning and found more strength.
Then my spiritual practice began to come back. Most mornings I find myself sitting down for meditation. As meditation came back, a spark of creativity began to burn again in my heart and soul. I noticed that I was longing to crochet and began to create once more.
I noticed sychronicities occurring more and more. Life was flowing freer, more fully. I was laughing more. There was less stress weighing me down. All these good things began to reassert themselves in my life!
Then one day in September the stress of caretaking hit me hard as I had to change all my staycation plans to go care for my aging parents. My body began to exhibit signs of what I refer to as a 'long-term Lyme disease episode.' The 4 miles a day became 2 miles most days. The meditation is happening 3 times a week because I make myself do it. Netflix binging is sneaking back in.
I gave myself grace and permission because I fear a long-term Lyme episode.
But it has been a month and my practice is not back. It is like I walked away.
My creativity has dropped. It became a challenge to make myself sit down and write blogs.
Then this past week, creativity began to spark. I picked back up my crochet hook and began to crochet. I created a few small fiber art wall hangings. As the creativity has begun to grow again, I am dreaming of my loom. I have not wanted to be near my loom since I moved in. Yet, now it is calling. I can see what needs to be woven -- a gift for a friend who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer.
This spark of creativity is beckoning me back to my practice. I feel it — a spiritual pull, an invitation to pay attention to my inner world, a call to accountability from Spirit, “You are not being a good steward of your spiritual life and practice.”
I am walking again, slowing down, paying attention to the natural world. Meditation is arriving back in my life. As I bring back my spiritual practice, I feel myself returning to ME.
It is important that we pay attention to our inner worlds.
How are you being a good steward of your spiritual life, of your inner world?
Have you paid attention to the stewardship of your heart?
What does that look like for you?
If you have not paid attention to your inner world, to your spiritual life, before, spiritual direction is a powerful practice to guide you into a practice that works for you, that deepens your connection with Spirit. Spiritual direction teaches you how to be a good steward of your inner world. Contact me if you would like to spend time contemplating Spirit’s invitation to stewardship of your heart and spirit. As Pastor and a spiritual director, my door is open.
