Welcoming my Unfreedoms
In the UCC, we have a saying that we offer “extravagant welcome!” to all. This means that no matter who you are or where you are on life’s journey, you are welcome at a UCC church. This also means that we, the members and pastors, of the churches must extend welcome to all who enter our doors. In offering extravagant welcome, we learn where our comfort zones end, where we feel stretched, where our unfreedoms and our prejudices reside.
This concept of extravagant welcome can also be offered by each of us to ourselves, to the wholeness of who we are: the good, the wounded, the ugly, the parts of ourselves we want to celebrate, the parts of ourselves we shove deep to hide. When we extend an extravagant welcome to our own unfreedoms, the transformation experienced is powerful and healing.
I quite often sit with my unfreedoms asking myself, “How do I find / how have I found freedom where there has been unfreedom?” Right now, is one of those times.
What struck me is that I have found freedom by accepting my unfreedoms as part of myself. At first I fought that idea, kicking and screaming; swearing at God and those suggesting I accept it as part of me.
One day, I accepted the invitation to stop fighting my unfreedom. I did that through paint and paper. It was hard and yet, at the end of the painting session the painting was beautiful. My unfreedom (my anger, my frustration, my fear, whatever) had not stopped the beauty from coming forth.
This seems to go against the goal of finding freedom. However, when confronting unfreedoms the goal, for me, is to stay completely present in myself and not allow that unfreedom to chase me away. So by welcoming and creating an atmosphere of inner hospitality, I am actually disarming it, removing its power to hurt me or chase me back into my smaller self.
I welcome my unfreedoms. I loosely follow Mary Mrozowski’s (a contemplative Catholic) Welcoming Prayer.
First, I sink into the feeling; into the unfreedom allowing myself to feel my unfreedom; to be immersed in it. I stay present to the feeling paying attention to how it feels in my body, where it resides, how it is affecting my being.
When I am ready, I welcome the unfreedom/feeling by simply saying, “Welcome Intimidation.” I stay in the space of welcome, imagining myself offering hospitality to this unfreedom, until I no longer have the urge to run/hide/ignore/suppress this unfreedom. I find that my heart opens with grace and compassion for myself.
Then, I let go. I do this in many ways. Through paint and paper allowing the unfreedom to flow out of me. Meditation. Prayer. Imagination: imagining the unfreedom being released. Shamanic Journeying to the unfreedom. Journaling. Drumming. Ceremony.
I let go through whatever medium I feel Spirit inviting me to.
In the words of the Welcoming Prayer:
“I let go of my desire for security.
I let go of my desire for approval.
I let go of my desire for control.
I let go of my desire to change any situation.
I let go of my unfreedom.
I open to the love and presence of Spirit
and the healing action and grace within.”
And I find freedom; grace-filled vibrant freedom thanks to the transformational power of Spirit.
